


It Just Slipped Out

by imkerfuffled



Series: 62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Rated for Minor Language, Skippy's List
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3927889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imkerfuffled/pseuds/imkerfuffled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I feel the need to write Kate into everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand, again I accidentally misread the prompt. Just pretend she's training under Clint at SHIELD. You don’t need to know much about her for this, just that she’s friends with Clint and she’s awesome.
> 
> Also, despite all the spoilers I’ve gotten, I haven’t seen aou yet. This is set before that, so it shouldn’t matter too much, but if I get stuff wrong just… idk pretend it’s an au :/

One of the first things Steve noticed about the twentieth century—besides the skyscrapers, the technology, and the alien invasion of course—was how much more open people were about some things. The first time he saw two women kissing in public, for example (he and Tony were at the grocery store, and the girls were making out in the ice cream isle) Tony hastily tried to drag him around the corner for fear he would make a scene, but Steve just grinned slowly and whispered, “It’s about damn time.”

Of course, when he dug further into it, he realized that prejudice was so far from over he wanted to laugh in the face of anyone who claimed otherwise, including himself. One thing led to another, and before long, he had started the “Captain Social Justice Crusade,” as Tony called it (or “Captain Suck It, Fox News”).

The first thing he learned on the Captain Social Justice Crusade was that he had a _lot_ of shit to _un_ learn first.

Steve had always been a fairly open-minded person, even by twenty-first century standards, and he always encouraged people to call him out when he made a mistake, but some things were more difficult than others to let go of.

Language, for example.

* * *

 

To his defense, she was a very _little_ lady.

When Clint brought her into the tower, he didn’t give any introductions. He simply let her loose in the living room, pointed her towards the fridge, and flopped on the couch with the remote.

The girl couldn’t have been older than seventeen. She bounded into the room like she owned the place, babbling on with unlimited energy about all the different Stark tech she’d seen on the way up. She and Clint seemed to know each other well—well enough that she shared his inordinate love for the word ‘bro’ and the color purple, if her purple skinny jeans, purple tank top, and purple sandals were anything to go by.

Steve had never seen nor heard of her before. He’d guess… Clint’s niece? Although, from what he could tell, Clint and his brother hadn’t seen each other in some time, and Clint had never mentioned he had any nieces or nephews. And somehow Steve figured they’d have heard if Clint had kids himself.

Later, of course, he’d realize he was wrong about every single one of those assumptions, but now was not later. Now, he just asked.

“So who’s the little lady?”

The look of wide-eyed alarm on Clint’s face probably should have tipped Steve off to the shit-storm that was about to go down, but Steve wasn’t thinking of that. He was too startled by her sudden appearance to remember twenty-first century social norms.

 _“Excuse_ me?” the girl stomped back into view—hands on her hips and livid expression on her face—and got right up in Steve’s face. _“What_ did you just call me?” she hissed.

Now Steve remembered.

“Oh dammit,” he muttered.

(Clint shot him a compulsory “Watch your language, Steve,” and Steve replied with, “Shut the hell up, Clint.”)

“Don’t you ‘oh dammit’ me!” the girl yelled, “I don’t care that you’re Captain futzing America, I have had it up to _here_ ,” she leveled her hand considerably higher than the top of her head, “with you chauvinistic, sanctimonious, misogynistic senior citizens with sticks so far up your damn _asses_ you can’t accept that it’s not the futzing _forties_ anymore!” She ended her rant with a hard jab in the chest.

“I—I’m sorry,” Steve threw his arms up in surrender, so taken aback he couldn’t even defend himself.

“Kate, he’s not like that. Kate!” Clint cried out, but it was too late. ‘Kate’ had already stormed into the elevator, her flip-flops clapping against the floor. Clint ran after her. “Aw, futz. Kate, wait up!” he shouted. Then, over his shoulder to Steve, “Real sorry, bro. It’s finals week, and her teacher’s like ninety and also an asshole, so I think she’s pissed at that. I’ll explain!”

The elevator door dinged shut in his face.

* * *

 

Clint brought Kate back up for Steve to apologize, which he did profusely—explaining how he would never ever say something intentionally offensive, it just slipped out, and he’s so, so sorry, he’s trying really hard to adjust to modern language, and he’s not usually a chauvinistic, sanctimonious, misogynistic senior citizen, please anybody feel free to slap him if he does it again. Also, he hopes she does well on her finals.

After that, Kate warmed up to him considerably.

They got to chatting. Steve learned all about the state of American education today (“Oh no, another cause!” Clint joked), and when it was finally time for her to go she insisted on taking a selfie with him, because, “my friend is gonna be _so_ jealous!”

Somehow, he never did figure out who she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afterwards, Kate shoves her phone in Billy’s face and won’t stop bragging about how she touched Captain America’s man-boob.
> 
> Don’t ask me how Billy would exist in the MCU yet. Just leave me to my fantasies.


	2. Broad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve only partially regrets telling Nat what he told Kate.

“I can’t believe she was working for SHIELD,” Steve muttered out of the blue. 

He, Sam, and Natasha were driving out to lunch in Sam’s new car, which Steve was paying for as a ‘sorry-for-nearly-getting-you-killed-by-my-ex-dead-best-friend-and-also-for-destroying-your-last-car,’ gift. As apology gifts went, it was probably the strangest Sam had ever had occasion to get. 

“Who?” Sam asked. 

“Sharon. My neighbor that Nat kept trying to set me up with,” Steve explained. From the backseat next to him, Natasha rolled her eyes. “I actually liked her.” 

Sam gave a hoot of laughter, “Man, you had a crush on a girl who was _spying_ on you? Damn, that sucks.” 

“A crush?” Steve said, squinting his eyes, “Is that supposed to mean I’m stuck on her?” 

“I… think?” Sam guessed. 

“That has got to be the strangest slang I’ve heard yet,” laughed Steve, “‘Crush?’ Sounds more violent than romantic to me.” 

Natasha looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged in agreement, while Sam snorted, “You think that’s weird, wait ‘til you hear ‘swag.’” 

“Isn’t that a bundle of sticks?” Steve asked hesitantly. 

“You wish, man. You wish,” Sam said with a wicked grin, “But, you were saying about the spy girl you liked?” 

Steve groaned and buried his face in his hands. 

When he didn’t say anything, Natasha happily explained. “Out of everyone I tried to set him up with, it turns out the only one he actually fell for only got close to him to stop people from planting bombs in his apartment.” 

“I’ve got the _worst_ luck with women,” Steve complained. 

Sam laughed, “What, a big hunk like you? You can’t be that bad.” 

“He really can,” said Natasha. 

Steve shot her a ‘gee thanks Nat,’ look. “It’s so embarrassing,” he groaned, “She was there on assignment, making sure I didn’t die, and there I was, completely oblivious, trying to awkwardly flirt with her.” 

“Okay, I see what you mean now,” said Sam. 

“I mean,” Steve continued, raising his head up again, “I figured I’d have a bit more luck with that now, considering I’m not, you know, scrawny and chronically ill anymore. But no! I finally meet a nice broad, and—” 

Without warning, Natasha reached over and slapped him across his face. 

Everyone fell into shocked silence. 

“Er…” Steve rubbed his jaw sheepishly, “Thanks. Sorry.” 

“No problem.” 

Sam glanced in the mirror. “What the hell just happened?”


	3. Dame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve still can't talk to attractive people without making a fool of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again I use someone who isn't actually in shield, but at least she's worked with them before, right?
> 
> Basically, I needed someone who wouldn't be sure what the word meant for this to work.

After some time following the self-banishment of Thor, the All-father decided that perhaps allowing his son to wholly cut himself off from Asgard was not the most sensible idea, and perhaps he should set aside his pride and inquire as to Thor’s continued desire to dwell in Midgard. A long time indeed was needed for him reach this conclusion; Odin is, after all, a god, and a particularly stubborn one at that. However, he could not himself seek out Thor on Midgard, for that would give the impression that he cared.

Hence, he required a friend of Thor’s to send in his stead: one who, perhaps, would be most capable of persuading Thor to return home.

Much to Odin’s chagrin, the Lady Sif refused to seduce the God of Thunder.

* * *

 

It was official; Steve definitely had a type. Kickass brunettes who looked good in uniform were too hot to handle, and these people really needed to come with a warning label or something.

Instead, he walked onto the roof of the tower to find Thor arguing with an unidentified Asgardian brunette in full battle armor, and _really,_ he needs a _warning._

“Hey,” he said in what Tony called his ‘Captain America voice,’ “There a problem here?”

“No,” said Thor.

“Yes,” said the warrior woman.

Steve raised an eyebrow. “So what’s the not-a-problem?”

“It is an internal Asgardian matter,” she said with a hint of scathing, “Not an issue of mortal concern.”

“Maybe so, ma’am,” Steve said firmly, “But Thor’s an Avenger. So if this involves him, it involves all of us.”

The corner of Thor’s mouth twitched upwards, and the other Asgardian cocked her head ever so slightly to the side with a taken-aback expression. She regarded Steve for a second, her eyes narrowed in puzzlement. Steve crossed his arms over his chest and tried not to feel self-conscious.

“Hm,” she gave a small huff of what sounded to Steve a lot like approval, with the hint of a smile in the curve of her lips, “It appears you were correct, Thor. There is more to these mortals than perhaps we give them credit.”

Thor beamed at them both. “Aye,” he said, “It is a truth I learn anew each day.”

Steve wasn’t sure whether to feel proud or slightly patronized. He decided to settle with pride.

“I take it you must be the Captain of Midgard I have heard so much about,” she said.

“Oh, no ma’am,” laughed Steve, “Just Captain of America. But you can call me Steve.” He held out his arm for a handshake, accidentally got the signals mixed up in his brain, and ended up trying to stick his left arm out as well, which she apparently interpreted as invitation for a bone-crushing, Asgardian hug. Smooth. Steve was pretty sure his brain just short-circuited.

“Greetings, Steve,” she grinned, thumping him on the back and probably bruising a few of his ribs, “My name is Lady Sif.”

“Nice to meet you,” Steve said, trying not to wince, “I’ve heard a little about you as well. All good things, of course.”

Later, he blamed it on the pain fromher bear hug (which, apparently was a normal Asgardian way of introduction, and not just Thor’s boisterous personality showing through, as the Avengers had all secretly hoped). He blamed it on himself still being slightly distracted by her armor and kickass brunetteness. He blamed it on the suddenness with which he was thrust into this situation and the fact that part of his brain was still trying to process the fact that there were two gods from Norse legend arguing on the roof, and he didn’t really have a clue how Lady Sif got there.

Even later, he decided to try blaming it on Tony, just because it was fun to think up ridiculous explanations for why Tony was responsible for things completely unrelated to him, and then watch his face when he tried to argue.

But for now, he didn’t think at all.

“So, what problem brings a dame like you to Midgard?”

The moment he realized what he said, Steve’s eyes shot wide open and he stopped breathing. Thor tensed visibly, with his eyes darting from Steve to Sif. His fingers twitched towards his hammer, as if anticipating he might need to use it.

If Steve could hit himself in the face with his own shield just then, he would have done it.

Lady Sif’s gaze hardened at the expressions on the two men’s faces.

“I might ask,” she said stonily, “What meaning the word ‘dame’ has in Midgard?”

Steve decided that if he survived this, he was never ever ever speaking to an attractive woman again. It couldn’t possibly end well for him, and he really should have learned that ages ago. He opened his mouth to apologize and beg for mercy, fully expecting to accidentally humiliate himself further…

And then Thor came to the rescue.

“Stay your wrath, Lady Sif,” he said, “In the great kingdom of Britain, ‘dame’ is a title used to denote lady knights, mighty warriors of old! We only react as such for the term is considered old-fashioned, and Stephen endeavors to modernize his language for the world of today.”

Steve could feel the tension lift like a physical weight from the roof.

“Well in that case, Captain Steve,” Sif smiled, “I apologize for the misunderstanding.”

“Er…”

* * *

 

Afterwards, when Sif had returned home with the message that Thor would stay on Midgard, thank-you-very-much (his words —Steve was not the only who had picked up new terms), Steve cornered Thor by the kitchen/bar/place Tony occasionally stored chemical experiments so you had to be careful what you ate out of the fridge.

“Um, thanks for saving my bacon out there,” Steve said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Thor just waved it off. “As they say here on Midgard, ‘it ‘tis all cold.’”

“I don’t think…”

“Or, something of the sort.”

Steve gave a strained chuckle before saying, “I still feel bad for lying to her like that.”

“If you will notice, I never technically told a lie. I merely avoided certain truths,” Thor pointed out, “It comes in handy on occasion to have grown up with Loki.”

“You know what I mean,” Steve scowled.

“Yes, I do,” Thor said. He sighed, staring off into the distance with the air of someone lost in the past.

It was a look Steve knew well.

“It was an honest mistake, that which you made. Clearly, you regret making it, and I know you shall learn from it as well,” Thor eventually said, “I believe not that a man deserves punishment for mistakes of that sort.”


End file.
